Editors note: I want to appologize for our silence over the last few weeks. We moved unexpectively and couldn’t get the time to edit the show. We will be releasing one more episode in 2019.

This week we talk to Algernon, a kinkster who is on the autism spectrum, but he is so much more than that!

Article: I tried rope bondage as a coping mechanism for my anxiety

Link: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/9kx9y5/i-tried-rope-bondage-as-a-coping-mechanism-for-my-anxiety

John from Louisiana – Fitting in has always been an issue for me. In school, I was always the outcast. Now that I’ve joined what is, in essence, a group of outcasts (the BDSM community) I feel that I am an outcast there too. How do I go about fitting in?
Cindy from New Mexico – Whenever I attend events, it always seems like I can never find people to play with. Everyone seems to be already paired off and ready to play. How do I approach people for play or possibly a relationship?
xMartinx from Discord – In a recent episode, rope squirrel spoke about his introduction to the community. However, I wanted to ask some followup questions
* When did you get involved?
* What was your first experience like and how did that go?
* You said you regretted your first scene, why? What happened?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

Article: BDSM as a Tonic for Serious Illness

Link: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/bdsm-as-a-tonic-for-serious-illness/

Stella from California – I like to think of myself as a “woke” person, but I am having difficulty with the whole transgender thing. I never know what I should be calling people pronoun-wise and am always worried that I will offend someone by using the wrong one. How can I navigate this new landscape of sexuality?
Josh from ??? – I really love BDSM. However, my entire life I’ve been told not to hurt women. With my current partner, I’ve tied her up and pleasured her, but now she wants me to hurt her. I am not sure how I can get over my societal conditioning. Any advice?
Jacqueline from Kansas from Discord – Hearing you two talk I have a question for you both: What is one thing that you wished you knew day one of this lifestyle that you know now?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

Article: The Unique Grief of Ending a BDSM Relationship

Link: https://www.autostraddle.com/the-unique-grief-of-ending-a-bdsm-relationship/

Product Review: Rose Gag by Zalo

Ritzy Cracker’s Review: I really liked this gag. Firstly, the packaging. Opening it reveals an almost premium feel. After removing the lid I was presented with one of my favorite things about the gag which I don’t think was intended, the bag to put the gag in after discarding the box. I spent a good amount of time rubbing the bag against my face because it was so soft.

Then there is the gag itself. It has a very comfortable texture. I tried it on myself and didn’t have any issues with it, which has been a probelm for me with some gags. I especially like the rose gag as it ads an unusual bit of elegance to the gag. Best of all, the rose was removable to reveal a breathing hole therefore the gag could be used with people who have breathing issues or at least who don’t like the restricitveness of gags.

The strap to secure it had gold plating and the entire gag has a very premium look and feel. I am very happy with this product and would love to see what else they have in their lineup. It would certainly turn a head or two.

Link to purchase: https://www.zalousa.com/products/zalo-upko-doll-designer-collection-rose-ball-gag

Special thanks to Zalo for sending us a product to review. We really appreciate it. If you have a product you’d like reviewed on the show, please contact us as podcast@kinkinthechain.com

Disclaimer: We were provided a review sample, however Zalo was not given copy approval of this review. Our opinions are our own. The link above is NOT a referral link of any kind and does not directly benefit us in any way. If you do purchase one, please let them know you heard about it from Kink in the Chain.

Kayla from South Carolina – My scenes are becoming stale. I try and try and come up with creative things, but it never seems to work. I end up reverting back to my tried and true. Do you have any advice to get my fires of creativity going once more? I’m worried people may lose interest in playing with me if I can’t, to borrow a comedian saying, come up with some new material.
Ritzy’s Rants: Body Image and BDSM
Mary from New York – I know all kinds of people and lots of people have asked to play with me. I’m hesitant because I don’t know if they are safe or not. How do I find out?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

Puppy Fifi
Interview with Puppy Fifi We talk about GLLA and her corner of the world as well as her BDSM upbringing
Fetlife Link: https://fetlife.com/users/7756854
Tim from Wisconsin – I am thinking about running for a leather title. I’ve been in the community for a number of years and it sounds like a good thing to do. I think I can do good work during my title year. My question is, what should I know going in?
Jet from Massachusetts – The kink community has given me so much. I see people running events and want to help. What is the best way to approach doing this. I want to give back. Are there any downsides to doing so?
Kayla from Washington – I want to learn more about electrical play, however, I am from a very small town the closest event is several hours away. What are my options? Is the internet a good option?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

News Article: BDSM Culture Can Make Women More Assertive In Work, Relationships
Link: https://theswaddle.com/bdsm-women-positive-effects-confidence/
Janice from Iowa – Where I live, the scene isn’t very large. As a result, we are a tight-knit community. As a result, relationships form. I met someone. He was into kink as was I obviously. We had good chemistry and had some common kinks. However, as things sometimes happen, we broke up. Nothing serious, just some incompatibilities. Since the scene is small, however, we both see each other frequently. It is uncomfortable to see him and I often cannot play with him around. On the rare occasions that he misses a party, I have a blast, but if he shows up I usually have to leave. How can I get over him? I wish I could go to another event, but we are lucky to have one as it is.
Josh from Nevada – I’ve been an introvert and shy all my life. It has been really hard for me to form relationships. Something that I know though is that I love kink. My issue has always been approaching people for play. It’s utterly nerve-wracking. I want to talk to people but then I tense up and usually go home. How can I get through this and start to enjoy myself at events?
Sarah from Washington – I’ve been in a relationship for a while now. She and I are very much in love and I see this lasting a long time. However, she has a few kinks that I don’t have any interest in sharing. It seems only fair that I let her go indulge those with others. However, when she does this, I get incredibly jealous. I shouldn’t be because I’m not losing anything from her except her time. But there I am, jealous as heck. How do I get over this?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

Editor’s note: I am sorry about the echo in Rope Squirrel’s audio this week. We didn’t have the mic set right. This will be rectified in future shows. It was in a new place we hadn’t tried recording before.

Female Gamer
Female Gamer
News Article: Blizzard replaces Hearthstone card art with less violent and sexualized alternatives
Link: https://www.pcgamesn.com/hearthstone/censorship
Jeff from Louisiana – Rope. It’s my bane. I hate it with a passion. To me, the rope isn’t the scene but it’s the start of the scene. I look on with awe when I see people who spend hours doing intricate rope work and then just take it all down. I guess I’m just missing that part of me. However, then when I am at a party, I feel self-conscious if my rope isn’t perfect. I honestly don’t have any desire to learn either because then I would be forcing myself to do something I don’t enjoy. Any advice for me?
Jessie from Arkansas – I am sure my problem isn’t unique, but sometimes it feels that way. I am in a poly relationship. We’ve structured it in such a way that I have my partners and some of those partners have their own partners. I am completely fine with this. However, one partner, whom I am not affiliated with but my partner is, is being, in my opinion, an ass. Let’s call her Sally. Whenever I leave the partner that she and I share with bruises, the next time I see Sally, she berates me about how abusive I am, and about how I am hurting her experience because my partner can’t do as much with Sally when she is injured. It is starting to get on my nerves because what my partner and I do is consensual. I am under no obligation to Sally to return my partner in any kind of working condition if that is what my partner wants. I just don’t know how to broach the topic with my partner. Any ideas?
Jullian from Georgia – I love my partner. However, he tends to go out of town a lot. The issue here is that when he does, he gets due to a thought he has in his head about me cheating on him and having orgies when he is gone. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Honestly, I usually just come home and relax and go to bed. On occasion, I do throw small get-togethers, but nothing sexual. True some of these people I’ve played with, that’s as far as it goes. However, whenever we speak, it’s a constant stream of mistrust, even though I’ve given him no reason to think this. How can I be a good partner and alleviate his fears?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

News Article: How to talk about kink with a new partner, because it doesn’t have to be awkward
Link: https://www.mic.com/p/how-to-talk-about-kink-with-a-new-partner-because-it-doesnt-have-to-be-awkward-18159768
Betty from Florida – First, I wanted to say thanks for what you all do. While I can’t credit Kink in the Chain with sparking my interest in kink and BDSM, it certainly was fuel for the fire. Needless to say though, I’m lit now and ready to get started. I haven’t yet decided what type of play I should experience first. Do you have any suggestions?
Tim from Nevada – I am very happy to be a kinkster. This is a wonderful new world that I get to experience (where has it been all my life?) but now, I want to go a shout from the rooftops that I’m kinky. I know some people who are out publically and proud of that fact. However, I’m apprehensive that it may affect my job or my family. I guess what I am asking is how out should I be?
Letisha from New York – I think I may have a problem. A good problem, but a problem nonetheless. I think I might be into too many things. I really do enjoy pretty much the entire gambit of play with very few exceptions. However, this comes at a price. I need a wide variety in a scene to enjoy myself. If one type of play keeps up for too long, I start to get bored. I don’t want my tops to be switching every few seconds but that seems to be what I need. How can find enjoyment in my play with this issue? Is there such a thing as enjoying too many kinks?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

Two people holding hands raised in the air
News Article:Yet again, dominant players in BDSM show a mental health advantage.
Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/unique-everybody-else/201905/sexual-satisfaction-in-bdsm
Greg from California – I often have difficulty when dating. I tend to use services like Match.com or OKCupid and it can sometimes be hard to broach the topic of if someone is kinky or not or if they are even interested. How long should I wait before I come out to them? BDSM and kink are big parts of my life and I couldn’t have a relationship that didn’t have them, but I don’t want to scare anyone off either.
Kerri from Massachusetts – I’ve had a string of bad luck lately. I keep meeting people who are poly, but apparently, this is news to their partner. In essence, they are cheating on their partner and attempting to justify it by saying they are poly. Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with poly and I am fine with it. However, when the unaware partner finds out, there is often a confrontation with me and I feel awful about it. How can I vet that someone is actually poly before I go sinking my heart into someone?
Grace from Montana – This probably sounds very self-conscious, but I can’t help myself. Whenever I am playing with someone, the number one thing that is running through my mind, often to the detriment of the scene, is are they having a good time? I keep trying to look for some kind of signal from them and, honestly, I am not sure what I am looking for. I talk to them after the scene is over and most if not all the people say they had a great time, but I often worry if they are trying to spare my feelings. What should I be looking for to quiet my anxiety about my performance?

If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives

The above timer will let you know when episode 50 will be live

We used to be doing seasons, but instead, we are going to start just doing episode numbers. The show is being rebooted and retooled. Old episodes can be found in the archives, but are not available via XML. We are just going to start from episode 50