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Common BDSM Myths
Editors note: Sorry about the table banging. I will make sure to put them on a better table for next time. Did what I could
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You can walk your dog on a leash after curfew, but not your partner
Countess Ylva (Fetlife Profile)
Countess Ylva has spent the last five years in the scene, most of it as a submissive. More recently she has come to see herself as a top and has been doing a lot of work around the topic of transferring her experience to the other side of the slash. She has participated in numerous demos and classes, particularly involving edge play and taboos. her interests and training include a biology degree with focuses in neuroscience and anatomy, basic psychology training, familiarity with meditative exercises and trance states, sharps, and various forms of behavioral control
Kairi from Delaware – I am currently in a D/s relationship with someone. This person is my slave. Lately, I’ve wanted to sub to someone else. However, I am worried this might be an issue for my slave. He wouldn’t want to see me being submissive. How can I talk to him about this? I don’t want to end the relationship with him.
Jeff from Montana – I am relatively new to BDSM in general. As I am just starting off, what kinks should I focus on? Are there any that will make me more popular?
Kelsi in Texas – I just made the move from California to Texas. In California, I felt I was a part of the community. In Texas not so much. I attend virtual munches but it seems that people are set in their groups. already. How do I break into the community?
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This week: Pornhub removing unverified content
Interview with documentary filmmaker Richard Schertzer https://www.imdb.com/name/nm8296449/
He is working on a BDSM documentary
User Questions:
| 1 | Kyle from Connecticut – As I am sure everyone is having the same issues now, I figured I’d ask. Right now, pick up play is hard. Everyone is worried about getting the virus (and I can’t say that I blame them). What kinds of play can I learn that can be done safely in these times? Or, what can I do to make scenes as safe as they can be? | |
| 2 | Kallie from Utah – I’ve always enjoyed going to BDSM events. Right now, our local clubhouse is closed due to the virus. I do own a house and would like to set up a dungeon. Any tips or places I can get things inexpensively? | |
| 3 | Kendra from California – So, like many, I’ve lost my job. I was debating starting an OnlyFans. Do you have any experience with how to get started with this? | |
Sorry for the short episode, more to come.
Rest assured we are not gone. COVID caused issues with getting together to record. However, we will be back soon. We have an exciting show planned with a dungeon owner that is open during COVID. Also…. we have a third host. I am very excited to announce this fact. However, she hasn’t chosen her radio handle yet. Stay tuned!
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This week, Ritz Cracker inteviews Rope Squirrel
Article: Cute BDSM gear is making everyone kinkier
Link: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/zmjmd9/cute-bdsm-gear-is-making-everyone-kinkier
| Questions: |
| How long have you been kinky? Where did you start? What are your biggest kinks? What are your favorite toys? What gear do you always have on you? Does cute gear make you play differently? How to get out of a bad headspace or deal with drop? What advice do you give to a new person? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
The Locked in Lust chastity cage is very well made and has very durable materials. It had several pieces and was like operating a puzzle. I had to practice with it a few times before putting it on someone, however, once I mastered it, putting it on again was no challenge whatsoever. The most unique part of it is the vice. It is something I haven’t seen on chastity devices in the past. The design of it makes it a breeze to install and makes escape very difficult. Trying to escape results in a lot of pain. The Locked in Lust cage also has a very low profile and quite hard to detect under clothes. Lock them up and leave let them go out into the world, confident that you hold his key and that there is no escape.
Additionally, and possibly most importantly for me, it is easy and fast to remove. When you are in the moment, nothing is worse than fumbling with locks, all the while getting frustrated. It comes off easily and is easy to keep clean due to the high-quality plastic. This is the best cage that I have experienced. Highly recommended.
Overall, I rather like the cage itself. Being a chastity fiend myself, I’ve tried a LOT of cages over the years. Some I got simply for trying out on people (because you can’t make custom belts/cages for everyone as it would be expensive). So I buy cheap cages and belts to see if people like them before investing in something custom. This model is similar to other plastic cages, however it has a very key difference: the vice. While this doesn’t make the cage inescapable, it certainly disincentivizes you from trying. I did manage to put out of it albeit in considerable pain, and I still had the thing hanging from my balls. I am convinced that I could get out of it, but I am not sure that my junk would be usable for some time, and I certainly couldn’t get back into it.
Would I use this as my long term, unattended chastity device, either for myself or for others? Probably not. But in the context of the scene or a kinky weekend con, yes. I just know myself and I’m an escape artist. If you tell me I can’t do something, I always look for ways around it. For example, website blocks at work were smashed within a day. I am also not a huge fan of cages for unattended use as I can escape from them. However, if the person is supervised or nearby, I would use it as a first model.
Therefore, I recommend this model for anyone looking to get into chastity. It isn’t very expensive and has an assortment of sizes for both the ring and the vice itself.
We worked directly with the company. If you are interested in trying one, please visit https://lockedinlust.com/ enter code KITC, that’s the abbreviation of Kink in the Chain, at checkout to get $20 off of a cage. This isn’t any kind of referral code, it is simply a discount code for you all. Full disclosure, we received a unit to review at no cost, but no copy approval was given. This means they are hearing this review at the same time as you are.
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Editors note: I want to appologize for our silence over the last few weeks. We moved unexpectively and couldn’t get the time to edit the show. We will be releasing one more episode in 2019.
This week we talk to Algernon, a kinkster who is on the autism spectrum, but he is so much more than that!
Article: I tried rope bondage as a coping mechanism for my anxiety
Link: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/9kx9y5/i-tried-rope-bondage-as-a-coping-mechanism-for-my-anxiety
| Questions: |
| John from Louisiana – Fitting in has always been an issue for me. In school, I was always the outcast. Now that I’ve joined what is, in essence, a group of outcasts (the BDSM community) I feel that I am an outcast there too. How do I go about fitting in? |
| Cindy from New Mexico – Whenever I attend events, it always seems like I can never find people to play with. Everyone seems to be already paired off and ready to play. How do I approach people for play or possibly a relationship? |
| xMartinx from Discord – In a recent episode, rope squirrel spoke about his introduction to the community. However, I wanted to ask some followup questions * When did you get involved? * What was your first experience like and how did that go? * You said you regretted your first scene, why? What happened? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
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Article: BDSM as a Tonic for Serious Illness
Link: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/bdsm-as-a-tonic-for-serious-illness/
| Questions: |
| Stella from California – I like to think of myself as a “woke” person, but I am having difficulty with the whole transgender thing. I never know what I should be calling people pronoun-wise and am always worried that I will offend someone by using the wrong one. How can I navigate this new landscape of sexuality? |
| Josh from ??? – I really love BDSM. However, my entire life I’ve been told not to hurt women. With my current partner, I’ve tied her up and pleasured her, but now she wants me to hurt her. I am not sure how I can get over my societal conditioning. Any advice? |
| Jacqueline from Kansas from Discord – Hearing you two talk I have a question for you both: What is one thing that you wished you knew day one of this lifestyle that you know now? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
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Article: The Unique Grief of Ending a BDSM Relationship
Link: https://www.autostraddle.com/the-unique-grief-of-ending-a-bdsm-relationship/
Product Review: Rose Gag by Zalo
Ritzy Cracker’s Review: I really liked this gag. Firstly, the packaging. Opening it reveals an almost premium feel. After removing the lid I was presented with one of my favorite things about the gag which I don’t think was intended, the bag to put the gag in after discarding the box. I spent a good amount of time rubbing the bag against my face because it was so soft.
Then there is the gag itself. It has a very comfortable texture. I tried it on myself and didn’t have any issues with it, which has been a probelm for me with some gags. I especially like the rose gag as it ads an unusual bit of elegance to the gag. Best of all, the rose was removable to reveal a breathing hole therefore the gag could be used with people who have breathing issues or at least who don’t like the restricitveness of gags.
The strap to secure it had gold plating and the entire gag has a very premium look and feel. I am very happy with this product and would love to see what else they have in their lineup. It would certainly turn a head or two.
Link to purchase: https://www.zalousa.com/products/zalo-upko-doll-designer-collection-rose-ball-gag
Special thanks to Zalo for sending us a product to review. We really appreciate it. If you have a product you’d like reviewed on the show, please contact us as podcast@kinkinthechain.com
Disclaimer: We were provided a review sample, however Zalo was not given copy approval of this review. Our opinions are our own. The link above is NOT a referral link of any kind and does not directly benefit us in any way. If you do purchase one, please let them know you heard about it from Kink in the Chain.
| Questions: |
| Kayla from South Carolina – My scenes are becoming stale. I try and try and come up with creative things, but it never seems to work. I end up reverting back to my tried and true. Do you have any advice to get my fires of creativity going once more? I’m worried people may lose interest in playing with me if I can’t, to borrow a comedian saying, come up with some new material. |
| Ritzy’s Rants: Body Image and BDSM |
| Mary from New York – I know all kinds of people and lots of people have asked to play with me. I’m hesitant because I don’t know if they are safe or not. How do I find out? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
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| Interview with Puppy Fifi | We talk about GLLA and her corner of the world as well as her BDSM upbringing |
| Fetlife Link: | https://fetlife.com/users/7756854 |
| Questions: |
| Tim from Wisconsin – I am thinking about running for a leather title. I’ve been in the community for a number of years and it sounds like a good thing to do. I think I can do good work during my title year. My question is, what should I know going in? |
| Jet from Massachusetts – The kink community has given me so much. I see people running events and want to help. What is the best way to approach doing this. I want to give back. Are there any downsides to doing so? |
| Kayla from Washington – I want to learn more about electrical play, however, I am from a very small town the closest event is several hours away. What are my options? Is the internet a good option? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
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| News Article: | BDSM Culture Can Make Women More Assertive In Work, Relationships |
| Link: | https://theswaddle.com/bdsm-women-positive-effects-confidence/ |
| Questions: |
| Janice from Iowa – Where I live, the scene isn’t very large. As a result, we are a tight-knit community. As a result, relationships form. I met someone. He was into kink as was I obviously. We had good chemistry and had some common kinks. However, as things sometimes happen, we broke up. Nothing serious, just some incompatibilities. Since the scene is small, however, we both see each other frequently. It is uncomfortable to see him and I often cannot play with him around. On the rare occasions that he misses a party, I have a blast, but if he shows up I usually have to leave. How can I get over him? I wish I could go to another event, but we are lucky to have one as it is. |
| Josh from Nevada – I’ve been an introvert and shy all my life. It has been really hard for me to form relationships. Something that I know though is that I love kink. My issue has always been approaching people for play. It’s utterly nerve-wracking. I want to talk to people but then I tense up and usually go home. How can I get through this and start to enjoy myself at events? |
| Sarah from Washington – I’ve been in a relationship for a while now. She and I are very much in love and I see this lasting a long time. However, she has a few kinks that I don’t have any interest in sharing. It seems only fair that I let her go indulge those with others. However, when she does this, I get incredibly jealous. I shouldn’t be because I’m not losing anything from her except her time. But there I am, jealous as heck. How do I get over this? |
If you are looking for our older format episodes, check out the archives
Editor’s note: I am sorry about the echo in Rope Squirrel’s audio this week. We didn’t have the mic set right. This will be rectified in future shows. It was in a new place we hadn’t tried recording before.